Very quickly I came to realize that as long as there are two persons with different backgrounds, personalities, strength and weakness in close proximity, then chances are there would be clashes. So forget about trying to avoid the conflicts and start focusing on how to resolve conflicts in marriage and deal with them when they do rise.
It doesn’t matter whether the conflicts arises due to personal preferences, over mundane things that are actually non issues or over major decisions. The same rules apply, the goals shouldn’t be to battle with your spouse so that you can have your way but rather, you should aim to battle the discord and let peace reign within the home without leaving either party bruised or battered.
Steps to Conflict resolution in marriage
When trying to resolve a conflict, these highlighted steps will be helpful in marriage conflict resolution.
Don’t have the mind that your spouse is the enemy and that you are going into battle with him/her
If you choose to believe that your spouse is the bad guy, then your mind is already skewed and your energy would be focused wrongly. You should rather see the conflict as the “bad guy” and your aim is to defeat it.
Resolving conflict does not necessary means that you get your way
Many of us believe that the resolution of the conflict means that your spouse goes with your preferred options – wrong. Again this means that you have gone in with the wrong mindset. Consciously or unconsciously we will fight for what is topmost in our priority list, and if it’s more important to us that we get our way then that what we would be fighting.
Don’t throw a pity part or play the injured party
You are not the only one who has a right to be upset. Granted in some scenarios, you might be on the receiving end of some hurts but honestly, all of the drama and mood are just that, drama, so cut them off and don’t be surprised if your spouse have been hurt because of the conflict.
. Don’t fight dirty
Chances are you know your spouse better than any person in the world and if you want to hurt him or her which is a piece of meal for you, because you know all the buttons to press to get at their weaknesses and insecurities. But never ever use what you know to hurt and manipulate your spouse while you are trying to resolve a conflict. That is a dangerous game.
Don’t listen to your spouse just to get ammunition for what to say next; listen because you actually want to understand what your spouse is thinking.
It’s actually a bad habit most humans have and it takes a conscious effort to learn how to listen properly.
It is not a history lesson
You don’t need to dredge up the past. Focus on the issue at hand because it is not the time (and would never be the time) to remind your other half of the past mistakes. Be like that good person who chose to forget his past experience.
Don’t pretend the conflict has been resolved if it hasn’t
Yes I know the aim is for peace to be restored and it might seemingly solve the immediate issue to give in to what your spouse says even though it hasn’t been resolved in your mind. However, on the long term you are rather causing more harm than good because the unresolved issue would be an open wound that could potentially fester and grow into something more dangerous, so within all bound of reason, I think it’s okay to keep at an issue until both parties are good.
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On a concluding note, never forget the helping hand of a marriage counselor or your mentor in resolving the marriage conflict.
Have your own say in black color, then drop your comment if you know any other means of how to resolve conflicts in marriage.